accidents

A man who was suing over an automobile accident was being questioned by tah defendant's lawyer

"Did you ordid not say at the at the timeof the accident that you not hurt?"

"I did," replied the plaintiff."but you see ,it was see, it was like this : I was driving along road with my old horse and wagon when along comes this car and knocks us into thedich. you never saw such a horrible mess in all your life. there i was flat on my back with my legs in the air, and there was my old horse flaton his back with his legs in the air. Well,sir,this motoririst gets out of his car and looks at us. he sees thatmy horse has a broken leg so he reaches into the car, takes out a gun, and shoots him. then he turns to me lying there and and he says, 'now what about you? are you hurt?' "

KEY:Accidents.

VISUAL:horse, broken leg,horseman on ground, motorist with gun in hand

Drunk

It was three o'clock in morning when the desk clerk got the call. "Wad time duz the bar open?" gurgled the inebriate.
"Nine o'clock," said the clerk and hang up.
It was no more than ten minutes later that the phone rang again. And again the same voice staggered across the wire; "Wad time duz the bar open?"
I told you --- nine o'clock!" and again he hang up. now another ten minutes passed, and the phone rang. But this time our desk clerk was a little annoyed. "for the last time, I'm telling you-- the bar opens at nine o'clock and not one minutes before. I don't care how often you call--you're not getting in one minutes before."
" But you don't understand," the drunk cried. "I'm locked in---I want to get out!"

KEY: Bars.

VISUAL: A drunk standing at a closed door, with phone in hand, to trying to get out.

PUNCH: "I'm locked in-- i want to get out."

TELLING HINT: Use a drunk's gurgling voice. You can extend the telling time by adding to the number of times the drunks calls the desk clerk.

Bars

Paddy strolled into Dugan's Bar.
"gimme a double shot," he ordered the bartender,"I need one bad."
What is matter?" asked the bartender.
"I'll tell you what's the matter. I'm going to get into the bloodiest fight you ever saw! Oh , it's going to be an awful battle."
The bartender poured him a double shot. Paddy drank it in one gulp.
"And now," requested Paddy, "do you mind if I use your telephone?"
"Go right ahead."
Paddy called his doctor. "Doctor,' he pleaded,"please stay in your office and be ready for an emergency. There's going to be a terrible fight at Dugan's Bar." Hanging up, he turned to the bartender: " Gimme another double shot. Oh, what a battle you're going to see!"
" By the way," asked the man behind the bar,"who are you going to fight?'
"you! I'm not paying for the drinks!"

KEY: Bars

VISUAL: Bartender and customer in terrific fight.

PUNCH: "You! I'm not paying for the drinks!"

TELLING HINT: Paddy firm, convinced. bartender is quizzical

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Animals

To prove the theory that music hath charms to soothe the savage beast,a noted violinist
journeyed into the heart of the African jungle. As he sat in an open field, a huge gorilla, a hungry
lion, and a mean bull elephant approached, sniffed the air, and then stood motionless, listening to the lovely selections the violinist played. Suddenly a snarling panther crashed onto the scene. With one leap he reached the violinist and tore him to shreds.

The lion roared,"you've got some nerve. For the first time in our lives we've heard beautiful music. We'll never have a chance to hear such glorious music again. Why you do that?"
The panther looked at the lion, cupped his paw to his ear and said, "what did you say?"

KEY: Animals.

VISUAL: Violinist in middle of jungle clearing, surrounded by wild animals and panther crashing through air.

PUNCH: "What did you say?"

TELLING HINT: A quiet delivery, as though beautiful music were being heard. Then for the punch line, cup your hand to your ear.

An Elephant

An elephant wandered into a bar.
Bartender gave him a strange look
"don't worry," said the elphant,
"I'm over tewenty-one."

HOW DO DECIDE WHICH IS FUNNIEST JOKES

1. Is the jokes a good laugh getter?

2.Is it easy to tell?

3.Is it easy to remember?

4.It is appealing to all,or only to certain groups?

5.Is it durable--can it be told and with no loss of effectiveness?